By Anastasiia Malenko
KYIV (Reuters) - A month before turning 18, Kyiv native Roman Biletskyi left his family and boarded a train westwards to escape Ukraine and any prospect of fighting in its grinding war.
"I delayed the decision until the very end," he told Reuters from his college dorm in Slovakia where he travelled to in February. "It was a one-way ticket."
Not all Ukrainian teenagers made the same call. Andriy Kotyk, by contrast, joined the army early in the war in 2022 after he turned 18.
"I thought everything through and decided I should sign up," Kotyk, clad in body armour and cradling an automatic rifle, said from his posting in Ukraine's northeastern Kharkiv region where he was awaiting vehicle repairs after surviving a drone attack.
"I said ... I will go to defend my homeland," he added. "It's better to serve than to run."
Ukraine has forbidden most adult males from leaving the country in the wake of Russia's full-scale invasion of February 2022. Reuters interviews with half a dozen young Ukrainians, as well as relatives, army recruitment officers and officials, point to a bleak dilemma facing thousands of boys and their families as adulthood looms: Should they stay or go?
Although most stay, some like Biletskyi have chosen to head abroad to avoid any prospect of injury or death in the trenches. As the war marches towards its third anniversary, Russia has the ascendancy and Ukraine is desperate to bolster its depleted and ageing ranks.
More than 190,000 Ukrainian boys aged between 14 and 17 have registered for temporary protected status in European Union countries since the conflict began, according to EU data, among millions of people who have fled the country.
While Ukraine's military call-up age is 25, having been lowered from 27 in the spring, there is growing pressure from allies to recruit more young people, a move Kyiv has rejected.
U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken told Reuters on Wednesday that Ukraine had tough decisions to make. "For example, getting younger people into the fight, we think, many of us think, is necessary. Right now, 18-25 year olds are not in the fight," he said in an interview.
The Ukrainian military and defence ministry didn't comment on recruitment details for this article.
'I GOT RID OF CHILDISH THOUGHTS'
Neither Biletskyi nor Kotyk said they regretted their choices.
"I thought I would regret it if I didn't go," said the former, who had been filled with dread as his 18th birthday approached. He recalled his family's agonising preparations to get him packed and on the road.
"The clock was ticking," added Biletskyi, who's now studying business management at a university in Slovakia's capital Bratislava. "We acted without any emotion. We all understood I had to go."
Kotyk had graduated from music school before the war made him feel duty-bound him to enlist with the army along with four of his friends. His introduction to adulthood was to participate in Ukraine's liberation of the southern city of Kherson in late 2022.
"The first two military assignments were really, really scary," said the infantryman, who's now 21. "Then I got used to it."
He acknowledged the war had changed him profoundly - "I got rid of childish thoughts" - though still harbours hopes of returning to his passion of singing, someday, and marrying. He said he understood why many young men decided to leave the country, and didn't want to judge them, though the exodus stung because those who stayed to fight were stretched.
"All the guys are really tired, all need to be replaced."
Some senior officials, including then-foreign minister Dmytro Kuleba, have openly criticized men of conscription age living abroad while their compatriots are fighting and dying for their country.
This anger reflects an often-bitter debate in Ukrainian society over the rights and wrongs of fleeing the country during a war, raising the prospect of rancour and division when the war eventually ends and citizens begin to return from overseas.
FUTURES AT STAKE?
The average age of Ukrainian soldiers is in their 40s, according to the Canadian Ambassador to the country, Natalka Cmoc. Kyiv doesn't disclose such data.
The military needs more young fighters who can bring greater motivation and endurance to the campaign, said Volodymyr Davydiuk, a recruiter for the renowned Third Assault Brigade in Kyiv.
"Fighting for a 40-year-old and a 20-year-old are very different things," he added.
Kotyk's Khartia brigade is looking to boost recruitment among younger men who are reaching crossroads in their lives like leaving high school or graduating from university.
Danylo Velychko, who works in Khartia's recruitment, said young people made up just fraction of the brigade, with the average age of those applying running at above 32 years.
The need for more people is not restricted to the military in Ukraine, home to about 41 million people before the war, which has killed tens of thousands of people. The economy has been hit hard by the conflict, with severe labour shortages as citizens head to the frontlines, birth rates plummet and people flee abroad.
A total of 87,655 children were born in Ukraine in the first six months of 2024, down around a third from 132,595 born in the first half of 2021, according to state data.
Meanwhile, almost 7 million Ukrainians of all ages have left the country since the invasion, according to the United Nations. Almost 4.2 million were under the temporary protection of the EU at the end of September.
Kyiv is trying to stop more people leaving and encourage those overseas to return. On Tuesday, its parliament approved the appointment of a deputy premier to head a new ministry for national unity, which will work on policies to bring citizens back, government said.
It's not an easy sell, with Russia on the front foot, Ukraine's power system being shredded by missiles and uncertainty surrounding the future level of Western support after Donald Trump's U.S. election victory.
Svitlana Biletska, the mother of 18-year-old Biletskyi who is studying in Bratislava, held back tears as she recalled the moment she waved farewell to her son as his train pulled away from the platform at Kyiv station in February. She is nonetheless determined he shouldn't return anytime soon.
"It was very hard to make this decision, but I am absolutely confident that it was the correct one because this is about him having a future. I can't see how that would be possible at home now."